Comments on: Recognize Your Own Ulterior Motives When Dealing With Others

By: Derek Park

Derek Park — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 13:35:33 +0000

Dan, that’s all true except that the universe didn’t perform any magic to get my roommate to stop using the grill. Yes, my desire was involved, but only because it pushed me to take action.

If I’d desired for him to not use my grill, but then bit my tongue and sulked in my room, he probably would have used my grill, and I’d be one of the many people who just can’t understand why the law of attraction just doesn’t work for me, when The Secret (and so many new age sources), say that it does work, and then pitch it as if it were magic.

By: Dan

Dan — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 11:49:31 +0000

Okay, I saw this post after reading your post about the Secret and it’s a great example of my point that the Secret isn’t instant magic, but results in a series of events leading to your goal.

You did not want your roommate to use your grill. You wanted to prevent it. Your conscious/unconscious motive was to stop him from using your grill. If you believe in the Secret then the universe, in combination with your actions, would prevent your roommate from using your grill. You brought up the idea that the chicken could be bad. Roommate verifies this and does not use the grill.

End goal achieved. Ulterior motives are rooted in your desires, what you think about a lot. Therefore your actions are influenced by those motives — essentially the Secret in action.

By: Derek Park

Derek Park — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 23:17:59 +0000

Actually, my roommate was neither fat nor dumb. You seem a little upset, though. I'd suggest that you look into some anger management techniques.

By: kholera

kholera — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 22:58:46 +0000

You should punch your fat roommate in his dumb face.

By: William Furr

William Furr — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 18:00:29 +0000

PS – Nice blog. Keep it up. :)

By: William Furr

William Furr — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 18:00:04 +0000

LOL. I had no clue you had an issue with me using your grill. In fact, it never even occurred to me that it might have been an issue. I mean, it's a grill. Grilling things on it is what it's for. Then again, that probably points to a personal failing of mine for making assumptions about other people's stuff. Also, the USDA website saying to use fresh chicken with 1 to 2 days is a lot more authoritative than your opinion, no offense intended. I figured that neither one of us were really experts on salmonella growth rates.

By: Derek Park

Derek Park — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 14:11:23 +0000

Ben, my main problem wasn’t really that he intended to use the grill. It was that he didn’t ask. I get testy when people don’t ask to use my things, and that’s the part I wished I’d handled better. I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with saying “no, I’d rather you didn’t use that”, nor do I think there’s anything wrong with getting upset the way I did.

I just wish that instead of taking a slightly dishonest route to getting him to not use the grill, that I’d instead just told him that I was upset, and that he should have asked. That would have (or could have) fixed the underlying issue, whereas the route I took did nothing to actually solve the problem. It just postponed it.

Also, it doesn’t matter much to the discussion, but just for clarification, the grill is actually an outdoor, standalone grill. Maybe “barbeque grill” would have been less ambiguous.

By: George Forman

George Forman — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:53:19 +0000

Gee you guys,
ah sho do ‘ppreciate all dis free publicity!!

By: donesol

donesol — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:33:46 +0000

Derek Ben u2 should flatshare and perhaps work towards a grill share thru lengthy correspondence

By: Zeno Izen

Zeno Izen — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 08:18:36 +0000

I mostly agree with the above comment. It sounds like you handled the situation tactfully. You might not like your motives, but your actions were effective and polite.

Obviously, though, the issue isn’t over.